A zen priest in southern california whose online photo features his shaved head and black robes. Sifting through them, i envision us all bobbing around in the ocean after a great cultural shipwreck fifteen weeks of dharma. (perhaps this had something to do with the fact that i was still wearing nursing bras. It just goes to show: as human beings, we’re hardwired for connection. ” i decide to perform some geographical triage. Although photos are not required, they’re strongly encouraged, as the bait on the hook in the online sea. I picture him chanting in the zendo: desires are inexhaustible, i vow to end them—right after i check dharmamatch for any new hotties. ” as a writer, i already spend a good portion of my days staring at my computer screen; i quickly discover that i don’t want to conduct my social life there. Across the aisle, a stocky, dark-haired man is doing the same thing. The dharma-dating emails drown in the flood of messages from my real-world life: article submissions, work appointments, family sagas, baby announcements, friends inviting me to potluck suppers fifteen weeks of dharma. En cliquant sur le site ou en le parcourant, vous nous autorisez à collecter des informations sur et en dehors de facebook via les cookies. Over thai food, we talk for three hours, although i’d told the babysitter i’d be home in two. And as a mating strategy, it probably beats cruising a vipassana retreat. So i meet my first date at a bookstore café that’s bustling enough to feel anonymous. “the great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences,” wrote seng tsan, the third zen patriarch.
Week 2-3 as the introductory smiles continue to arrive— “. We’ve been in and out of each other’s lives ever since. But lately, several of my friends have met partners online; several others have had fun just going out for dinners, movies, and hikes with people they’d never have met without the internet. I forget what i’ve said to the zen priest and what to the jazz musician. Free of the counterbalancing weight of actual human contact, i eliminate suitors for random, insignificant reasons: too short. After a few intriguing email exchanges, i chat on the phone with a yoga practitioner who teaches world religions at a prep school near san josé. Although i hadn’t been aware of having any clear expectations, i feel slightly let down. ” a resident of a tibetan retreat center in canada writes, “i smiled at you but i have no idea what a smile means. A yogi who invited me to a clothing-optional “love and intimacy” workshop at his santa cruz home that culminated in a talent show where a seventy-three-year-old woman belly-danced wearing nothing but a denim apron. I’m tempted to copy and paste from one of my answers into another, just to save time—but surely that’s tacky. He responds with a five-paragraph essay about a recent interview with terry gross on npr. I will politely decline correspondence with anyone who doesn’t live within easy driving distance of me. When i inadvertently fail to return a smile, i receive my first flame: “is this the way enlightened people behave. A burly poet in ohio who shares custody of an eleven-year-old daughter. It takes a good ten minutes before we approach each other and discover that we are.
I’ve never been someone who spots love instantly. We exchange glances, then look away—clearly, we are not the people we’re waiting for. I tell him that, as a writer, i don’t enjoy socializing by email.dating florida interracial jacksonville.. ” he gazes at me as if this is the weirdest question anyone has ever asked him and repeats, incredulously, “do. In the process, i can notice the habits of contraction that keep me feeling separate from other people: judgments, expectations, fears, busyness, guilt, chronic feelings of insecurity or superiority. I have tea with a music producer and vipassana student from l. Untethered to the world of blood and bones, the candidates for my affection drift out of my mind like balloons on a windy day. I’m just not interested in “getting to know someone” by typing words into a box on a screen. Driving home from my co-housing tour, i reflect that this whole experience can perhaps be viewed as a kind of meditation practice. ” i decide to do more prescreening next time. My date, whose screen name refers to a legendary scottish warrior, is a small, serious man with a british accent and a longtime vipassana practice. Sign-up questionnaires ask me to evaluate every aspect of myself: physical appearance, lifestyle, personality, dietary preferences. But for the most part, the smiles are linked to intriguing profiles: an argentinean jazz musician in new york city who studies tibetan buddhism and hatha yoga and has a nine-year-old son. The getting-to-know-you questions pelt me through the ether: “what’s the most fun thing you’ve done this week. .
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